Meredith is Coming Home Today

Meredith - 1994. San Jose, CA.

Max is Coming Home Today

Max - 1994. San Jose, CA.

Burdens

My usual morning daze began with a heavy heart, this morning, as I reflected on several bad dreams from the night before. Those dreams left me in a funky mood that seemed impossible to shake. Worries and concerns nagged at me as I tried to fall asleep last night, so it's no wonder that I woke-up feeling disturbed by my dreams.
During my One Hour, I read this article, "That Your Burdens May Be Light," and my mood lifted. I received comfort, strength, wisdom, and insight. I was reminded that the Lord is ever mindful of the details in my life.
*photo came from here.

A Little Visit

Twins.
The last time I saw them, they were newborn.

Now they are 18 months. What a change!

Mellie and I reminisced about our lovely walk in Santa Cruz. It was a magical day, as we both remember it. One week before the twins arrived. I still review the photos of several of our dream houses on Depot Hill. I hardly need the photos anymore, as they are indelibly stamped on my mind - a motivating force.
A day with the twins and their 3 yr. old brother, was an eye-opener for me. Busy. Energy. Toys. Diapers. Motherly radar. Sweet smiles. Sticky fingers. Tender loves on mama's lap. Barricading the stairs. Sharing. Tantrums. Crumbs. Car seats. Potty-training. And all the other usual things in the daily life of Mellie, and millions of other amazing moms out there.



I miss it. But, would I go back? Probably not. I LOVE little kids and little visits, but I am truly enjoying the season I am in right now.

Learning, Growing, Changing

School:
So, I never did follow up with a report on The Design Weekend at the Plaza Hotel. I missed a trip to Idaho with some of my favorite traveling companions and a chance to see my college kids, in order to attend. Classes: Illustrator - Creating Identity, Illustrator - Creating a Pattern, Photoshop Actions, and InDesign 101. Did I love it? Yes! Did I learn a lot? Yes! Was I noticeably and unmistakeably the oldest one in each of my classes? Yes! As Sir Walter Scott says, "I will to do, the soul to dare."


Weekend Visit:
I have accepted, and give forewarning to parents of future coeds, that when your college kids come to visit, home is a landing pad, not a destination. If I had looked back at my former college self, I might have been enlightened and expected reality. Although, Meredith was much more kind in spending time with family than I ever would have been. Thanks, Mer!


The Daily Dance:
When I am alone in the house, I treat myself to this. Mr. B. will tell you, I am quite private about my dancing time. With no one watching, I feel ridiculously free to be me. My kids will tell you, much to their embarrassment, that I dance plenty whenever anyone is in the house, but this daily dance is different. This is my time. My music, my singing, my stretching, my thinking time. I love it.
One may wonder why I post this photo, if I'm so private about my daily dance. Honestly? I wanted a photo of me doing one of my favorite things. When I saw this photo, I laughed and laughed until I cried. I look funny! I had to share. Do you ever laugh at yourself?
I was thinking about snow skiing, as it was one of my top favorite things, and I don't have a single photo of me doing what I loved for so many years. So, now I am capturing me doing other things I love, and I'm keeping the photos, even if I look silly.


Snow:
Me and winter. We are not friends anymore. But today, as I looked out my bedroom window, I saw between the shadowed lines. Brilliant sparkles. They winked at me.
Our summer made her light escape
into the Beautiful
c 1865 E. Dickinson

View From an MRI

This is what it looks like for 1 hour. And you can't move.
I liked to keep my eye on the door -
bottom right corner.

Reason for MRI: dizziness & balance problems.
How long since an MRI was prescribed: 5 years ago.
Why such a long wait: a have a shunt in my ear that contains metal.
How we got around the metal issue: very tenacious family physician.
First try two months ago: too claustrophobic, lack of information on how much Xanax to take, tried 3 times & came out 3 times. Discouraging.
Second try yesterday: I.V. sedation scheduled, but the cardboard-tasting breakfast kept me from that option. Someone forgot to tell me not to eat anything ten hours before sedation. Full of anxiety, but determined to make this work, I went for option #2 - Vallium.
Inside the MRI: I prayed, "Please help me stay in here. Please, oh please, oh please. . . . " Classical music on headphones helped. Technician asking, "Are you okay?" helped. Carefully caressing the HELP button helped. Taking myself on a long, detailed tour of Santa Cruz helped. Naming, in order of age ( and again by category), my family, extended family, and close friends helped. Knowing Mr. B. was in the waiting room helped.
How long I stayed in the MRI: approximately 55 min.
Amount of time I should have stayed in the MRI: 65 min.
Luckily, I don't have to go back and make up those last 10 min.
Results: no indication of tumors or life-threatening illness, and no structural damage to brain or neck. Gloriously good news!
Prescribed plan of action: physical therapy for neck and balance problems.
Pickle: after many years of searching, I still don't know what I have, why it happens, or what causes it.
Gratitude: my body has learned various forms of compensation for dizziness, I have patient & understanding family and friends, I focus on what I CAN do, and there is always hope for a better and brighter future. I have learned to enjoy what I have now. We walked out of the hospital, and drove home. Back to our everyday lives.
Why blog about this: to remind myself that peachy pictures from the blogging world are only pieces of people's lives. Not the whole story. Because of dizziness, I often wrestle with anxiety and depression. I usually try to hide this about myself, because I hate to face reality, critical judgments, unwanted input, embarrassment, etc. But, today, instead of turning away from the part of me that is "flawed," I just feel glad to be me. All the pieces. The whole story.
FYI: view from MRI designed by me, using Illustrator CS4. Yea!
I love CS4.

Today I'm Getting an MRI

Fear makes my breakfast taste like cardboard. Pray for me. Okay?

Today I Played With Buttons

Have you ever started a big project and gotten so tied up in the tiny details, that you lose sight of the project all together? That happened to me today.

I was moving my button collection from the basement to the new office upstairs, when I decided to put a few of my buttons in jars. "Wouldn't they look so pretty on my new Ikea shelves," I thought to myself.

I found myself sorting through the entire box of buttons and organizing them into color coordinated piles.

Most of them were still in the package, so I unwrapped over a hundred button cards, and poured the buttons into jars.

Hours later. . . . six jars full. Four piles left untouched. I need more jars.

This last photo could be considered one of my most flattering self-portraits.

Looking Forward to. . .

Design classes at the Plaza Hotel (starting today!), a new computer,
and a new blog from The Gourd Lady - Jeni B.

Remember the Cherry Fairy?

Halloween Weekend

Mr. B. and I ate scary food and passed out candy to the sparse trick-or-treaters. (scary food = Five Guys burgers and fries)

I used some of Ruby's costume photos to practice Photoshop
- outer glow.

The momentous occasion of the day: Mr. B. carved a pumpkin.
Can you guess which one is his?